A Failed Adoption

As most reading this blog probably already know, our adoption has failed. We know the birth mother did have her baby last Wednesday, but that is all we know. She apparently decided not to involve us in anything and failed to even let us know what happened, what she decided, or who will parent her child. Last week was particularly intense for us with the build up of anticipation and hope, and then the waiting and following silence. We have been feeling pretty heartbroken.

We found out right before Christmas that the birth mother's mom had become involved even though everyone had thought she was out of the picture. The grandma made the birth mother feel guilty for wanting to place her baby with us and wanted to be able to adopt the baby herself. Whether or not that would be possible was also very unclear, but what had been a very sure situation previously was thrown into a toss up.

While I had been trying to prepare myself for this situation to go either way, the outcome still felt devastating. Although it has been a week now, I am still feeling terribly disappointed and sad. We all are. Austin told me that he went to his room and cried after we told him the adoption wasn't going to happen, and he has persistently told us that he is the "most sad" about it all...even more sad than Mom or Dad.

After having so much anticipation and excitement, it is so difficult to go back to square one and wait to be matched with someone else. It is hard to know that we have lost thousands of dollars without gaining anything. It is such a challenging loss for something we never actually fully had. I am finding myself in what seems to me a strange position of grieving for the loss of a child who was never really mine or part of our family to start with, but who I have been loving all the same without ever seeing or knowing. We have been thinking and praying about him and his mother so fervently...and now he will never be a part of our lives or our family. Based on what I know of his mother and her family's situation, I am thinking his life will most likely be a challenging one.

Still, I know God is still watching out for us. He always does. I know that he loves this baby too and will make things work out the best for him as well as for us. I don't know what the Lord has in store, but we are trying to trust whatever that is. We are trying to stay positive and hopeful that another situation will come our way that will be better for everyone involved. Hopefully soon.

And we have so much else to be grateful for in our lives too, so I am trying to focus on that.
 

One of those things I have been particularly grateful for is supportive friends and family. In fact, I am in the middle of reading the book of Job right now, and it has struck me how terrible Job's friends were to him. Obviously he was facing much worse problems than we are. Yet in the middle of it all, instead of coming to strengthen, help, and comfort him, his friends come lecture him on how he must have done wrong and is in need of repentance. How terrible and lonely that must have been and felt...I am so glad that our own friends and family have been much better to us! I have felt so comforted by the vast amounts of love and support that has come from nearly everyone we know. Thank you so much for all your prayers, kind thoughts and wishes, donations, offers to help, and other such things. They mean so very much!

As we try to go forward, we continue to appreciate all your prayers and other support on our behalf too.